Act 3

Scene 6: Do you smell that?

small room in one of the Castle’s towers. There is a small stone table on which stands a candelabrum with many black candles. Death in her new elven form plays cards with a Nurgle demon. The cards resemble those of a tarot deck. The demon only fairly resembles a humanoid. His form is very irregular. His body “spills” in cascades of rotten flesh all the way to the floor, and pus oozes from numerous wounds and gaps. There has to be a chair somewhere under the folds of his body. The demon has three eyes.  He holds the cards in a tentacle-hand, although sometimes he also helps himself with an unusually long tongue resembling an earthworm. The demon is about to play a card.]

[Guth’ar Keg] [with an extremely gurgling yet hoarse voice] Ok, I take your plague of locusts and raise…

[Suddenly the demon freezes for a moment. He then begins to look around. Then his face twists and he starts making whistling noises, as if one of the many cracks in his face is sniffing something intensely.]

[Death] [surprised] What are you doing?

[Guth’ar Keg] [still sniffing] Do you smell that?

[Death] [after a short while] Smell what?

[Guth’ar Keg] [after a few more deep breaths] Something stinks in here.

[There is a silence in the chamber, and Death for a moment seems shocked by her opponent’s revelation. She then comes to herself.]

[Death] [with eyes of Garfield the cat] You don’t say.

[Guth’ar Keg] Yeah, such a strange smell.

[Death] [staring at the demon ostentatiously] You don’t say!

[Guth’ar Keg] [surprised] What?

[Death rolls her eyes, then holds out both straight arms in front of her, gesturing at Guth’ar Keg.]

[Guth’ar Keg] [offended] Hey! That ain’t me!

[Death] [voice turning into a screech] Really?!

[Guth’ar Keg] [obviously moved] Hold on! I do not stink!

[Death] [blinking her eyes] …

[Guth’ar Keg] [sulking] My scent, my anorexic friend, is the essence of life. Everything best that nature has to offer. [in a dreamy voice] Ripe fruit …

[Death] [quietly, under her breath] Rot …

[Guth’ar Keg] [listing further] Fine plants in the last stage of bloom …

[Death] More rot …

[Guth’ar Keg] Meadows after autumn rain and haymaking …

[Death] [loudly] ROT!

[The demon sucks in and looks at Death a bit in disbelief, and a bit reproachfully.]

[Death] If my nose had not been the result of Drachenfels’ magic, I would have died of this stench! I would die! I, Death, would die!

[Guth’ar Keg] [as if realizing something] Yes, sir! Exactly!

[Death] [surprised] What?

[Guth’ar Keg] Smell’s like a corpse! I smell death!

[Death] [looking at herself for a moment] What? Me ?! You must be crazy!

[Guth’ar Keg] No! Not you. Something died in this Castle!

[Death] [rolling her eyes] Well, that’s really an understatement. Over the centuries, an equivalent of a  large imperial city must have ceased to be in this chamber alone.

[Guth’ar Keg] [shaking his head, splashing excrements over the walls] No, no, no. [with emphasis] Something died just now. I can feel it clearly in the air. Purple winds of magic gather.

[Death] Hmm… [suddenly, very loudly, in a voice shaking the foundations of the Castle] Wilhelm!!!

[There is a pause, but nothing happens for a long moment.]

[Death] [impatiently] Wilhelm!

[Nothing happens again.]

[Death] [gasping] Wil …

[Guth’ar Keg] [interrupting her] Wait, I’ll try.

[The demon’s slimy tongue shoots sideways and goes right into the wall. After a while, it comes back holding Wilhelm, shackled by the ankle.  Then the demonic servant lands head-down on the floor with a nasty crash. Wilhelm then stands up with difficulty and ostentatiously shakes himself off throwing murderous looks at the those present in the chamber.]

[Wilhelm] [offended] You shrieked, milady?

[Guth’ar Keg] [dismissively] Something stinks here, minion.

[Wilhelm] [gazing at the demon of Nurgle] ​​You don’t say? I have not noticed. Maybe I’ll open a window? [to himself] And I’ll throw you out right through it, you moldy toad.

[Death] No. It’s not him …

[Guth’ar Keg] Pf, you bet it ain’t.

[Death] Guth’ar Keg says he feels death in here…

[Wilhelm] [looking at Death] Seriously? [after a while] Are you bored? Haven’t you got anything better to do than bother me? You’re cracking jokes, when I need to keep an eye on the adventurers.

[Guth’ar Keg chuckles gurglingly.]

[Wilhelm] And what would it be, that amuses you now?

[Guth’ar Keg] [pointing to the winds of magic visible to demons with his tongue] See that? It’s Shyish.

[Wilhelm] [rolling his eyes] Yeah, death magic, so what? It’s normal for it to accumulate when something dies in the Castle.

[Guth’ar Keg] [to Death] Wait for it, he’ll get it soon enough…

[Wilhelm] [opening his eyes wide] Wait… the adventurers are the only mortals in this Castle!

[Guth’ar Keg] [chuckling] There it is.

[Wilhelm] [hysterically] The adventurers are dying! That’s way too soon! Drachenfels will have my head for this!

[Wilhelm runs out of the room in panic directly through the wall.]

[Guth’ar Keg] [in Wilhelm’s direction] You’re welcome …

[Wilhelm] [from a distance, from inside the wall] Bite me, slimy face!

[Guth’ar Keg] Pf… [to Death] Ok, where were we…

[Suddenly the demon notices that Death is sitting with a slightly dreamy look and smiling to herself.]

[Guth’ar Keg] What’s with you now?

[Death] [with a sigh] Eh, nothing … This Castle is like a damn good vacation. You sit and play cards, and the work gets done  for you. [shaking herself, with a calm voice] Well, where were we with our game of “Plagues”?

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