Act 3

Scene 1: Guests arrive! Doors, open wide!

astle corridor. Approximately in the center of the stage there are large heavy doors. A “conversation” from behind the door is heard.]

[Wilhelm] [in a high-pitched, raised voice] That’s it! I will not take it anymore! Who do you even think you are?! By what right do you strip me of my dignity and force me to do the vilest works?! You humiliate me at every possible occasion! I’ve never heard a word of thanks for my slave labor! You are heartless bastard! [after a long moment, with a sigh] Even now, you’re not listening to a word I’m saying…

[At this point, the door opens open. The audience sees the interior of the Castle’s kitchen. Wilhelm is standing at one of the tables, and Fluffy is sitting at his feet expectantly watching a bowl with his name written in runes on it.]

[Wilhelm] [to Fluffy, reproachfully] You ate today already!

[Fluffy] * bark *

[Wilhelm] How many times a day do I have to feed you?

[Fluffy] * bark *

[Wilhelm] [stamping his foot] No, you’re not getting any!

[Fluffy] * bark *

[Wilhelm] I said “no”…

[Fluffy] * bark *

[Wilhelm] No!

[Fluffy] * bark *

[There is a moment of silence, then William goes to the wall and starts rummaging in some big sack standing up against it.]

[Wilhelm] Damn you, you nasty beast…

[After a while, the demon takes a bloodied human arm out of the sack and throws it into Fluffy’s bowl. The dog begins to cheerfully devour it piece by piece.]

[Wilhelm] [disheartened] Yeah, choke on it.

[At this point, a loud knocking is heard from the door at the end of the corridor to the left.]

[Wilhelm] What now? Sorry Fluffy, I have to leave for a moment. [waits a moment longer, but Fluffy does not react in any way] Yes, I can see that you care…

[Wilhelm walks out of the kitchen into the hallway and closes the door behind him. He stands in front of the front door, adjusts his cuffs, and raises his arms slightly.]

[Wilhelm] [loudly] Guests arrive! Doors, open wide!

[He stands there for a moment with his hands raised, then gives up.]

[Wilhelm] Someday it will work…

[Goes to the door and opens it with difficulty. Before the threshold there  stands a dwarf with a bare chest and a huge axe behind his belt. His muscular torso is adorned with numerous tattoos. He also has a nose-ring and many earrings. His hair is dyed orange and trimmed into a mohawk. There is an elf next to him who pretends that he is not there at all. He is dressed in a raincoat and a wide-brimmed hat, despite the perfect weather outside. Next to the elf, there is a man in a robe wearing a pointed hat and wielding a curved stick in his hand. The last guest is a barefoot halfling, armed with a ladle and a butter knife. Behind them an exhausted donkey gasps. The beast is overburdened  with various possessions of its wicked owners. Upon seeing Wilhelm, the adventurers take combat positions, meaning they do not move a muscle and wait patiently off-guard for an unexpected attack.]

[Wilhelm] [proudly clearing his throat] What you want?

[The human takes a step forward.]

[Gottfried] Hello, good man.

[Wilhelm turns quickly, determined to finally catch the good man who sneaked up behind him again. Unfortunately, he seems to have fled again.]

[Gottfried] Please forgive our surprised expressions, but we have been informed that this place is abandoned.

[Wilhelm] [flatly] Because it is.


[Wilhelm] [as if he realised something] What? You mean me? I’m just the cleaning service. [to himself] Literally, damn it…

[Gottfried] I really don’t understand…

[Wilhelm] That’s okay, I understand you’re here looking for treasures, right?

[Gottfried] Well, actually…

[Wilhelm] [interjecting] Great, hold on a second.

[The demon slams the door before the adventurers’ faces. He whispers a magic incantation. The interior of the castle is immediately engulfed by a veil of darkness, wind starts blowing in the corridors and it carries the quiet moans of the dying in the dungeons. Blood-red eyes peek out from the nooks and crannies here and there. In the meantime, behind the door…]

[Gottfried] What’s going on?

[Yorri] Maybe it’s the wrong address?

[Lithaniel] My scouts are always correct, we are in the right place.

[Jack] [pulling out his pipe] Hurry up, I’m a little hungry.

[Wilhelm walks, literally, into the wall, stepping through it. The front door swings open. Outside, one can hear the crack of the castle gate closing. Rain starts pouring, there’s is thunder and lightning and piercing wind starts blowing.]

[Wilhelm] [in the voice of a thousand damned souls] Welcome to Castle Drachenfels… [suddenly, in his normal voice] Damn, I almost forgot…

[Wilhelm leans out of the wall and points with his clawed finger towards the party of adventurers.  He aims for a moment, then mumbles a short formula. A beam of energy flies out of his hand finger, passing near Gottfried’s ear and strikes the donkey, killing it on the spot.]

[Jack] [reproachfully] Heeeeey!

[Wilhelm] [disappearing back into the wall] That’s better.

[The adventurers stand there for a moment confused. Then they look at each other. Gottfried shrugs.]

[Gottfried] Follow me, adventure awaits.

[The party crosses the threshold of the Castle.]

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