Act 3

Scene 13: And it was going so well

hrone Room. By one of the walls, as before, there are shrines of all known gods. The throne, which is occupied by Constant Drachenfels, is facing a mirror on the wall. There is a demonic face in the mirror. The face is half male and half female. In the space between the throne and the mirror there is a table with lots of poker chips scattered on it. And at the table, Wilhelm is standing in croupier’s clothes and, with a slightly bored face, he skillfully shuffles a deck of cards.]

[Wilhelm] [with a hint of routine] The balance is ten thousand souls each, white chips are worth a hundred, green two hundred and fifty, blue five hundred and yellow a thousand souls. Ante is two hundred. We play [with a sigh] until one side is left with no chips. It is forbidden to use any magic, telepathy and other cheats. Questions?

[Constant Drachenfels] I’m ready.

[Slaanesh] [in a fluctuating voice, male and female alternately] We are also ready.

[Wilhelm deals two cards, Slaanesh telekinetically flexes the corners of his cards to see them. Constant does the same with his hand. Then Drachenfels throws a few chips on the table, Slaanesh throws the same number, and Wilhelm deals the next three cards visible to both players. The players add some chips and then reveal their cards. Drachenfels has two pairs, Slaanesh only a pair. The Great Enchanter takes the pot.]

[Slaanesh] [with a note of suspicion] We hope your dealer is not a scammer, Constant.

[Wilhelm] [with big innocent eyes] Me? Never!

[Constant Drachenfels] Are you suggesting that my servant is a cheat?

[Slaanesh] Oh, pleas, Constant… It’s not like you have a perfect reputation.

[Constant Drachenfels] Says the perverse god of chaos. Neither are you famous for your honest intentions.

[Slaanesh] We suggest, we check Wilhelm’s sleeves before we continue.

[The demon swallows almost unnoticeably.]

[Constant Drachenfels] [in a cold voice] We’re not checking anyone’s sleeves.

[Slaanesh] Then we take our chips and leave.

[Constant Drachenfels] Fine … you exalted prima donna.

[Slaanesh] [offended] Pff!

[The face in the mirror disappears. Constant plays with one of the chips for a moment.]

[Constant Drachenfels] Wilhelm …

[Wilhelm] [innocently] My Lord?

[Constant Drachenfels] Roll up your sleeves, Wilhelm.

[Wilhelm] But …

[Constant Drachenfels] At once.

[The demon rolls up his sleeves. Several misplaced aces fall to the floor.]

[Wilhelm] Well I be…! They must have fell…

[Constant hits Wilhelm with his open hand on the back of the head.]

[Constant Drachenfels] [with a sigh] Clean up in here, and I’ll…

[At this point, the door to the room explode. Drachenfels, keeping his composure, mumbles a magic formula, but stays in place and watches the entrance in the mirror from behind the throne.]

[Wilhelm] [whispering to the audience] Herr Drachenfels has just cast “Invisibility” on himself.

[Lithaniel and Gottfried enter the room confidently.]

[Lithaniel] Entering all chambers using magical bolts can be effective, but I suggest you try to pull the handle first next time. [noticing Wilhelm] Oh, it’s you again.

[Wilhelm] It’s nice that you knocked before you entered [with emphasis] the throne room of Herr Drachenfels.

[Lithaniel] Oh, so this is where the old fart resides?

[Wilhelm] [evidently pleased] Usually yes, although the Lord is not present at the moment.

[Constant, seeing Lithaniel approaching, leaves the throne and stands beside it. The elf takes his place and puts his feet on the poker table.]

[Lithaniel] [nonchalantly] Then be a dear and go get Constant. My friend Gottfried would like a word with him.

[Gottfried] [anxiously] Lithaniel …

[Lithaniel] Sup, Gottie?

[Gottfried] I don’t like this place. [at this point, Constant moves and then stops right next to the human] I feel incredible magical discharges.

[Wilhelm] [to himself] You don’t say.

[Lithaniel] Getting ready to treat Drach to a bolt or two, huh?

[Gottfried] [hesitantly] No Lithaniel, it’s not me …

[At this point, Drachenfels places a hand on the head of the human whose face twists in a silent scream. The Enchanter then literally enters Gottfried’s body.]

[Lithaniel] Don’t be silly, you’ve fed on so much warpstone that it has to be you. Who else? [pointing to Wilhelm] Him? [to Wilhelm] What’d I tell you? Go get Drach!

[Wilhelm] [folding his hands] Or what?

[Gottfried] [in a slightly lower than his usual voice] Or this …

[The demon is struck by a black beam of energy which causes the servant to convulse on the floor for a moment.]

[Wilhelm] [in a scolded voice] Uh… Best if I go then.

[The demon leaves the room. Gottfried sits down on the table.]

[Lithaniel] [approvingly] That was fun. What was that spell?

[Gottfried] [with a slight smile] “Doombolt”.

[Lithaniel] Mhm. [suddenly realizing something] Hey, wait a minute isn’t it …

[Gottfried] [interjecting] Oh look, It’s Drachenfels!

[As the elf rises from the throne, Gottfried mutters a quick incantation and an illusion of the Great Enchanter does indeed appear in the doorway.]

[Lithaniel] [imperiously, towards the illusion] Oh! There you are! So you are the fear incarnate. [mockingly] Great and insidious … the sum of all evil and so on.

[The illusion remains silent.]

[Lithaniel] Cat got your tongue? [after waiting for a while] You’re probably wondering why I’m making fun of you? [putting his hand on Gottfried’s shoulder] Because my friend Gottfried here is about to send you to Neverland. [to Gottfried] Mastero, if you please …

[Gottfried] I have a feeling that it would be better, if you’d end him.

[Lithaniel] [with slight anxiety] Eh, wait a minute Gottfried …

[Gottfried] [reassuringly] Don’t worry. [winking knowingly] I have your back.

[Lithaniel] [still hesitating, producing a dagger] All right. [towards the illusion] Die, Drachenfels!

[The elf is about to attack when suddenly …]

[Gottfried] [darkly] Hey, elf. One more thing…

[Lithaniel] [turning around] Yes?

[Gottfried] [releasing a bolt of black energy from his hand again] Die …

[The elf hits the ground with force and dies in agony. Gottfried stands over the corpse of his companion when Jack suddenly appears at the door.]

[Jack] [with a screeching voice] Gottfried!

[Gottfried] [looking up in confusion] Hm?

[Jack] [throwing himself at the human] For the camps! For the honor of halflings! Die, you totalitarian pig!

[The halfling plunges its claws into Gottfried’s belly. Constant Drachenfels immediately emerges from the human’s body and watches with astonishment as Jack tears his former companion to shreds.]

[Constant Drachenfels] [observing the slaughter, with a calm voice] Wilhelm.

[Wilhelm] [standing hesitantly in the doorway] Lord? [after a while, a little scared] Please forgive me, My Lord. I’ve been looking [with emphasis] everywhere for you Lordship, but you were nowhere to be found.

[Constant Drachenfels] [with a sigh] Fetch me a broom.

[The demon pulls out a broom from a portal in the wall, carefully avoids Jack who is splashing Gottfried’s remains in all directions, and hands the broom to Constant. The Enchanter waits for Jack to finish, then mumbles a magic formula.]

[Wilhelm] [again whispering to the audience] Spell “Hammerhand”.

[Drachenfels starts hitting the halfling with the broom with demonic speed with demonic speed. After a while, Jack turns into a pool of blood.]

[Constant Drachenfels] [with loathing] Disgusting.

[Wilhelm] [equally disgusted] Yeah, wouldn’t want to touch that.

[Constant Drachenfels] [handing the demon the broom] Too bad, cause you’ll do the cleaning.

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