Act 1

Scene 12: The visit

castle corridor lit by the light of torches. A thick crimson carpet on the floor, portraits on the walls depicting caricatures of various Emperors. At the end of the corridor, in front of the auditorium, the entrance gates to the castle. On the left and right there are many doors to many rooms. At one point, one door on the left bursts open and Wilhelm rushes in. He slams the door behind him and runs to the next. He opens it and slams it with disappointment on his face. He does this a few more times.]

[Wilhelm] Damn! Damn this constantly mutating castle!

[At this point, one of the portraits falls off the wall and hits Wilhelm on the head, knocking him over.]

[Wilhelm] [standing up] Oh, you are sensitive one for a building that is standing there for several thousand years… [after a while] Alright, sorry!

[Wilhelm hangs the painting back on its place on the wall.]

[Wilhelm] But I still don’t know where that dining room is… Let’s see…

[The demon goes to the next door, but at this point a knocker of the front door can be heard. Surprised, Wilhelm turns to listen. After a while, the knocking is heard again. Wilhelm goes to the gate and makes an effort to open it. He sees a short, round man in a big hat, wiping his flushed, plump face with a handkerchief. In the distance behind him a donkey and a heavy box are visible to the audience.]

[Helmut] Greetings, my good man! [Wilhelm looks over his shoulder searching for the good man who crept up behind him] Is the master of the household available?

[Wilhelm] [slightly confused] Yes, Herr Drachenfels is currently in the castle, and…

[Helmut] Great! Lead me to him.

[Wilhelm] [adjusting the lace cuffs and straightening up] Err … And who wants to see him? Oh, and also, could you perhaps, state your business?

[Helmut] Helmut Grossmauer, tax collector.

[Wilhelm] [with a slightly lowered jaw] What?

[Helmut] I’m a tax collector from Altdorf. We have heard that this abandoned ruin has not been so abandoned lately. I came to collect due taxes … [blinking and wiping sweat from his brow] Should be a pretty penny.

[Wilhelm] Eh, today is not my day … All the stress is giving me some sick hallucinations.

[Wilhelm begins to close the gates, but Helmut prudently sticks a shoe in.]

[Helmut] Not so fast. Please don’t make this difficult. I must warn you that there are high penalties for obstructing tax collection.

[Wilhelm] Look, my hallucination, I’m having a really bad day today, I’m in a hurry and if you don’t take this foot away, I’ll tear it off right at your neck.

[Helmut] [squeezing awkwardly inside] It won’t do any good and it will cause you unnecessary trouble… Well, you guys got settled pretty nice here. Oh, what beautiful paintings! The luxury tax, I see, will be quite a sum. [takes out pen and paper and starts taking notes] Yes, yes … real estate tax, tax on abundant space and on…

[Wilhelm] [through his teeth] I wouldn’t like to interrupt, but it’s really not my day … [shouting far into the castle] Fluffy!

[One of the doors opens with a bang hit with a gust of air. A hellish glow emanates from the inside of the room. The thud of a thousand hooves, the scratching of a hundred claws, and countless screams and roars can be heard. The sounds get louder with every second and suddenly… a tiny Yorkshire Terrier jumps through the doorstep. The dog starts barking happily. While running, he stumbles a little over his own paws. He runs to Helmut and fiercely starts tugging at his trouser leg.]

[Helmut] [dispassionately] Lovely … [noting down] Dog tax!

[Wilhelm] [with resignation] Fluffy, you lousy, mischievous beast … Eat the jerk!

[Helmut] Hmm, how old is the dog?

[Wilhelm] An eon.

[Helmut] Hmm … [taking out an abacus] the rate is silver coin per annum… here we have an eon… that’ll be…

[Wilhelm] [in a sudden outburst of rage, claws out, his voice begins to sound like a thousand voices speaking simultaneously] Enough! Die wretched monster!

[Helmut] [completely unmoved takes out a parchment and reads] “Whoever, for the sake of anything, will raise his hand against a government official, will be whipped, stigmatized, and then publicly dismembered and displayed on all exit roads of the city…”

[Wilhelm] [calming himself] I’ll risk it…

[The demon rips Helmut’s larynx with his bare hands, then proceeds and opens his chest, then tears off his arms and legs from his torso and kicks off the wretch’s head.]

[Wilhelm] Ah, I feel better already.

[Fluffy approaches the massacred corpse and joyfully starts drinking the blood from one of the pools.]

[Wilhelm] Yeah, now you’re acting normal? Stupid beast… Okay, playtime over, I have to find that dining room or I’ll end up like the fatty here…

[Wilhelm goes for the door again while Fluffy continues to enjoy his meal.]

Share this:

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Notify of
0 comment(s)
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments